Henri Nouwen on Friendships

When we honestly ask ourselves
which person in our lives means the most us,
we often find that it is the one who,
instead of giving much advise, solutions, or cures,
has chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds
with a gentle and tender hand.
The friend who can be silent with us
in a moment of despair or confusion,
who can stay with us in an hour of grief and
bereavement, who can tolerate
not knowing, not curing, not healing and
face with us the reality of our powerlessness,
that is a friend who cares. - Henri Nouwen

One of the most spiritually journalistic influences on my life was this brilliant man who died in his early sixties. In early 1995 Nouwen took time off to write, A Sabbatical Journey; a book of journal entries for a complete year of what would be his last year on earth. It is said that Henri didn't know he was preparing for heaven that year... perhaps 'he' knew.

His poem inspired me to inquire of several very dear friends of mine: Explain our first meeting:

Hi, you darling! I'm curious about what brings these questions up... but happy to answer them. I will have to look in files to the actual date, but I met you on my first day of employment with the OCHITF. Our first meeting was Rocky! I was on the phone with Stephanie Benshoff at the Volunteer Center Employment Program and you informed me that the office was quite small and that, of course, my phone conversations should not be considered private. You recommended that they be business-related. Somehow, you and I turned it around. I would guess that, after a brief amount of time working together, we saw in each other the integrity and intelligence and passion that becomes respect, trust and true friendship… you love me no matter what. When I am too distant, you remember me. You're honest with me when you think I might be off course but respect my decisions. You challenge me to think outside of my own box. You teach me to be better than I am. And I love you. I value the fact that we have been friends for many years now. You have seen me change and grow. I have seen you change and grow. You know my past and forgive me for it. We encourage each other. I have very few friends who have known me for as long as we have known each other; you are irreplaceable in so many ways. You bring out my creativity. My desire to be more successful, emotionally and financially. You have learned to be intimate and trust again, which I need to learn; so you are role model in that area. You also taught me to wear a black bra under a black blouse. I'll never forget that! (There's more there but it'll have to wait). CL

I believe we met in late February of 1995. Tim Shaw had hired me to work on c-cow (as Lee, now deceased, Podolak called it). Though it seemed we had met before. You had a very strong handshake and very direct approach. I think you were the only person I didn't know. I knew Patty Arledge and Tim and Cass Lee. We were going to be team mates. I think I was intimidated. You are just cursed to have to be my friend. We met and you now seem to be harmless. It is your cross to bear to have to hang out with me. You are earning points for a better place in heaven. That is why it is important. I am only doing it for you. To take action about things. Not to just complain. To network and work in cooperation. To remember to ask questions about things and find out what other people want. You read my emails and appreciate them. We talk about what is important to us. And you listen to me. You tell the truth, not what I want to hear. DLR